Kate'sVoice

Conversatoins in my house have shifted a bit as one of our daughters is planning to get married.  She has lots of ideas about what she wants in the way of a wedding, but, frankly, those ideas are all over the board and we need to get cracking on this!!  So today, I sat her down to help her get more clear about what she wants.  Since there are more ways to do a wedding than there are days left to plan this one, I asked her to think about three words that describe her and what she wants.  She did this, and suddenly, she had a filter through which to see her ideas and weed through them.

This idea was born of the study of intention.  One of the best ways to get clear in your communication is to make sure that your intention is in alignment with another’s purpose.  You can do this in one on one conversation, when you plan a talk for a group, or even when you are in a heated discussion.  If you want to persuade, you have to find ways in which their purpose and intention and yours intersect or align.

And this ends our third week together.  I hope you are finding this helpful.  I will see you back here next week. Have a great weekend!

Today I was reminded of the importance of intention in communication.  I was in a meeting and the meeting got off track when one of the participants moved us away from our intention and onto a whole new focus.  In the end, everyone felt that the meeting was a waste of time and that we did not accomplish anything.  This was particularly frustrating because we are all very busy and did not really have the time to waste!

I have found that I can avoid such situations myself if I set my intention for a conversation or a meeting.  There are many possible intentions and sometimes I have to take a moment to figure out what my real intention is. What I do is this:

1. Ask myself what I hope to accomplish.
2. Plan the discussion with the desired results in mind.
3. I state my intention to the group or conversation partner.
4. Ask the others to state their intentions or desires for the discussion.
5. Write the intention(s) down and keep them in view throughout the discussion so that you can stay “on intention.”

Finally, if my/our intentions change for some reason, I state the change and then do my best to stay “on intention” with the new intention.

Today I decided to study the skill of listening as it applies to good communication.  All listening is basically biased.  We bring our own story or history to whatever we do.  I remembered today that we often listen to others so that we can find a space to jump in with our comments, which is different from following the conversation and being fully aware of the path that it takes.  We often even forget what the other person is saying because we are so focused on our personal expression.  I was involved in a conversation today that was very passionate and where everyone had something to say.  We were all looking for that moment when there was a hole in the conversation so we could say what was on our minds, but everyone had so much to say that it took awhile to find that moment!  I found that in order to really participate in the discussion, I had to let go of my well-formed ideas and opinion and just stay in the moment, responding rather than rehearsing.  Funny.  At the end of the conversation, I didn’t feel less involved or under appreciated.  Instead, I felt more connected to everyone involved and I even learned some things that I don’t think I would otherwise have heard if I had just been holding onto my idea gems looking for a place to insert them

Have you found a voice buddy?  Perhaps tomorrow while you are becoming more aware of your “telephone voice,” you can find someone to call regularly as your voice buddy.  Your friend or business associate will agree to be supportive and helpful especially on days when you are less inspired to do the work of creating the voice you want.  You will call them daily to get encouragement to make the changes you want.  Your job is to bve open to their feedback…and to CALL THEM!

It sounds simple, and even unnecessary perhaps.  But it’s just like having a gym buddy.  It helps you keep your commitments. Be careful though that you don’t see your friend as a trainer unless they are a voice professional.  I havefound that mny people have opionions about how a voice should sound or what makes it work, but few really know how to create a sound that is both attractive or even just likeable and also healthy.

The beginning of week 3.  We’ve listed our strengths and weaknesses and paid attention to those for a week.  Daily attention has begun to reveal more clearly where we need work.  Today is a good day to examine how you use your voice on the telephone.  Is it different from how you use it in person with others?  Check your posture as you speak on the phone.  Sit tall and forward in your chair.  Make sure you breathe properly.  Observe this throughout the next two days and write down your observations in your voice journal.

The end of another week.  I hope you have had a great one.  It is not always easy to remember to write in your practical application journal, and it’s not always easy to remember to post on my blog!!  lol  However, thank you for hanging in there with me and please let me know if there is any help I can give you as you learn more and more about your voice and what it does or doesn’t do for you.  I’d love to hear about your observations and how it is helping, but also about what is confusing or not working.

Congratulations on getting through Week 2.  I’ll be back on Monday for another week of this.  Have a great weekend!

Today I rode on another airplane and noticed how dry my throat was!  When I tried to speak, my voice felt like sandpaper. I drank as much liquid as I could while I was on the short flight, and it took about 30 minutes, but eventually my throat felt normal again and I could speak without clearing my throat every 30 seconds!!!  Then grabbed a bottle of water on my way out of the airport, resoved to remember to stay hydrated when I travel.  I think it was also those salty pretzels I got for a snack.  Tasty, but not so good for hydration!

How about you?  How was your voice today?

Yesterday was the inauguration and I took the day off!  I apologize, but it was great listening to the speeches and to feel the excitement that the change in administration is bringing.  And besides, he has such a great voice!!

One of the things I am working on is better posture when I speak and sing  I have gotten more and more accustomed to writing at the computer and I find myself hunching over a lot more than I used to.  At least, I think it’s more!  Anyway, today I reminded myself several times to stand up straight and was reminded to remind myself because I was  writing in my journal!! (That’s how it works to take the journal approach when we want to learn!)

In order to stand up straighter for more vocal support, this is what I did:

• I rotated my shoulders and rolled them back and then relaxed them.
• I led with my chest instead of my head.
• I tucked in my pelvis.
• Then I reminded myself to drop the air in low, keeping my abs flexible but active, instead of tightening my abdominals so much that I couldn’t breathe properly.

I find that doing this at my desk is much easier than doing it standing, by the way.

How are you doing this week?  Have you gotten in your thrice daily observations?  Have you learned anything new?  What did you take away from last week?

This week, look at the list you created of things you like about your voice.  Write one of these at the top of each page for the next five pages in your journal.  Study that aspect of your voice for one full day.  Consider how that strength affects others.  What does it say about you separate from your words?  How can you use that strength more effectively to present the vocal image you want?

My observations:

I have often been told that I sound friendly when I talk.  I use a lot of variety of pitch in my voice, influenced greatly by my training as a singer.  My challenge has been to add in the more commanding vocal sound that is created by using LESS variety of pitch.  The most influential communicators use both appropriately.  Conscious choices again.  For more information on cadence in the voice, please see my post in December, or refer to my book on page 97.

What is the fifth thing you would like to change about your voice?  Pay attention to your voice today and write your observations in your voice journal or your copy of my book, p.128.

By taking an inventory of the vocal patterns you hear in your own voice, and by studying those of speakers whose voices you find interesting or even annoying, you can begin to discern productive and unproductive patterns of speech. This is how you make the changes you want to create the voice you want.  But listening by itself doesn’t make the change stick. You have to practice doing things differently, and practice them enough to change the habit you’ve been living.  That’s why you do this three times a day if you can.  It helps you make the change more completely.

Observation:

I spent some time yesterday listening to others present.  I decided to count the “ums.”  Actually it was pretty entertaining.  I’ve heard that people who go to technology presentation will play acronym bingo, which is a similar sport!  Counting verbal fillers is something I do with my clients.  But what do you do once you have discovered how often you use verbal fillers?  Well, just as with this journal, merely having someone count your fillers…”ums,” “uhs,” “you knows,” “likes,” etc…will make you aware of your habits. Then it is surprising how much more easily you can change them.  I believe that the biggest reason for using verbal fillers is a fear of silence.  What I do when I hear myself saying, or wanting to say “um” is to stop myself and say nothing.  It works well to clean up my speech and remind me that every word is a conscious choice so I must choose wisely!

And now, CONGRATULATIONS!  You have made it through your first week of your practical application journal.  Take a break or keep going over the weekend. I’ll be back on Monday!