Kate'sVoice

In these tough times, fundraising is MORE necessary and LESS likely for non-profits.  I have been spending a lot of time working on this for my various causes, and it seems appropriate to focus the last day of my journal on what I’ve observed about shaping the “ask” for more likelihood of success.  I will expand on this soon in an article here.  For now, here are some key points to remember when talking to others persuasively:

1.  You need to identify and stay focused on your intention.  Figure out what it is in advance and use it as a guideline in your communication.

2.  Your message needs to include a short story about the cause and your involvement and what you are trying to do. Your story reminds others of their own and will make them feel more connected to you.

3.  The appeal needs to be compelling.  An emotional element is important, not just the facts.

4.  Ask for the close and wait.  Learn to be comfortable with silence, and allow time for them to ask questions.

5.  Say “thank you” no matter what the answer.

In addition, it’s great to remember that people WANT to give even in difficult times…maybe especially in difficult times.  You may have to be creative and you may need to ask more people more often.  Still, people want to help if they can! You are giving them an opportunity to be the kind of person they want to be.

On this the last day of the Practical Application Journal, I hope you have learned a lot about yourself and your voice.  Since you made it this far, you deserve to do something nice for yourself.  Do it! And now go apply what you’ve learned!

“See” you next time!

Kate

Researchers have discovered that people whose voices are judged to be attractive tend to have sexual intercourse at an earlier age, have more sexual partners than those with voices rated less attractive, and are more prone to sexual infidelity. Now that’s quite interesting when you are teaching people how to use their voice more effectively and how to sound better.  This is a subject I would definitely like to explore more!!  Look for an article on this in the near future…and it could be fun for you to explore this theory yourself.  I’d love to hear about what you discover!

Choosing the right word…that can be a challenge.  Today I reflected on this poem from the Tao te Ching and remembered also the power of silence.

In the beginning of heaven and earth

There were no words,

Words came out of the womb of matter

And whether a man dispassionately

Sees to the core of life

Or passionately sees the surface

The core and the surface

Are essentially the same,

Words making them seem different

Only to express appearance.

If name be needed, wonder names them both:

From wonder into wonder, existence opens.

How many times a day do I clear my throat?  Actually, I have a habit of clearing my throat when I get nervous.  I can never seem to get a clear throat until I start speaking or singing, so I know it’s nerves.  However, yesterday I paid attention to throat clearing.  I was standing in line at the fast food counter and noticed that the person next to me had some laryngitis and a runny nose.  Now, I have to say I was not happy to be next to them in line, but putting that aside, I observed how they ordered a large cold soda with plenty of ice.  I almost interrupted and said, “Don’t do that!!!” I also noticed how much they were clearing their throat and wanted to recommend that they drink a large glass of water instead.  Then, later, I observed that I too was feeling a need to clear my throat, so I immediately drank a glass of water.  It really is wonderful how quickly that works to get the frogs out!  The reason this works well is that it provides lubrication fairly quickly, which is what one is usually needing when one’s throat becomes clogged.  Of course, sometimes, it’s just nerves!!

“Did you ever listen to me? she said & I said I did, but sometimes it took a couple of days to sort it out in a   way that didn’t make me want to murder her in her sleep.”

That’s “Tolerance” from Hearing Voices by Brian Andreas.  Yesterday was about listening.  And having to remember to repeat  back what I heard and make sure the person I was speaking with was understood before I said what was obviously more reasonable and the right way to do things…and not dropping all that I know about communication and striking a blow for reason!!!

How was your day?

Yesterday, I was reminded of the need to keep your voice in good shape for speaking for long periods of time.  I was on the phone all day and found that my voice got a little fatigued.  When this happens, it’s important to rest it, which I did.  But it’s also helpful to be a bit proactive about the situation.  Here are some things to do to help keep your voice in great shape:

• Drink water all day.
• Sit up straight in your chair when you are on the phone so you can get more breath support.
• Better yet, walk around while you are speaking.
• Rest your voice for 5-10 minutes every hour.
• When your voice feel tired, stop and rest it.
• Raise the pitch of your voice a bit rather than lower it.

So much after the fact, I am posting days 24 and 25.  Traveling took its toll on my ability to post, but I did make some entries in my journal and want to share them with you today.  My reason for traveling was to take my daughter to visit Belmont University in Nashville.  She is auditioning at colleges with the hope of getting in as a music major.  Belmont is a great campus and they seem to have a fine music program, offering commercial music as well as a degree in the business of music and entertainment.  Anyway, there we were traveling in the South.  Accents were very much on my mind, and I had two observations about that.

The first observation was about how friendly a Southern accent sounds.  It is the inflection, which is very open and inviting.  It also lilts and sounds sweet to the ears almost like music at times.  I know that some Southern accents sound twangy to the rest of us, but for the most case the accent in Nashville is easy on the ears.  What I was reminded of is that the cadence of a voice can add to a person’s vocal image.  A closed accent gives an impression of authority or even beligerence if we’re not careful.  An open accent brings to mind a nice disposition.  In fact, I heard the effect myself when I daughter said, “Wow. Everyone in the South seems to be so friendly!”  This doesn’t mean that I recommend that we all speak with Southern accents, but if you want to learn more about the difference between an open and closed cadence, please read the chapter on cadence in my book, or review my posting on December 22 last year.

The second thing that came to mind is how easily we imitate others, and how quickly that can become part of our speech.  I definitely found myself speaking with a bit of a Southern accent after just a few days there!

I’ve been traveling this week and keeping the voice journal going has been a bit of a challenge.  Nevertheless, here I am.  Today I was reminded of the difference between personal expression and conversation.    You see, Most of our verbal communication is meaningless noise.  We speak without thinking, we add verbal filler to our thoughts, and we pontificate our personal ideas rather than exchange them with others.  Then, we wonder why our relationships are a mess and why we can’t get others to listen to us.  Well, there is a difference between personal expression and conversation.  Personal expression does not necessarily require a response from others. Conversation is a kind of exchange and, as such, requires a response.  When it comes to your voice, both are important, but most people get the two confused. For example in conflict, we orate. When expressing a point of view, we need too much consent from the audience.  When negotiating we assume agreement when we don’t have it.  We say we invite learning but we leave no opening for the other’s individual expression.  We talk too much and don’t listen enough in groups.  We wait for consent and ask for agreement when there is none.

• Personal expression is a solo act and does not require a response.

• Dialog is a two way street and requires a response as well as listening on everyone’s part.

Pay attention to your conversations this week and see if you can tell the difference and make choices that support both

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Today I was in a meeting with a man who was a super storyteller.  It reminded me of how important stories are to engaging an audience.  There is a real interest in storytelling now and with good reason. Stories engage us because they remind us of our own lives and experiences and connect us in ways that facts and figures do not.  Here are some simple things to remember about storytelling.

1. A good story has a beginning, a middle and an end.

2.  A good story is compelling because it has an emotional component.

3.  A good story has an obstacle to overcome.

Do you have a story to share?

It’s the day after the Grammys and I have to say that I was disappointed in the show.  The sound was really bad and it was pretty amazing to hear so many people singing out of tune!  My guess is that the singers often could not hear themselves.  And remember that you can’t produce a sound that you can’t hear.  ( Alfred Tomatis.) I was also reminded of the fact that we all learn to speak through imitation.  We also adopt singing styles that are imitations of our favorite singers.  It’s really important to adapt a style that is healthy!!  So whose was a healthy approach last night?  Al Green is still singing after all these years and he sounded great!  Also, he didn’t have those intonation problems.  Either he was listening closely to the band AND to his own voice, or he had a monitor.  But poor Katy Perry was really having problems.

I am reminded then of a little piece in one of my favorite books, Hearing Voices, by Brian Andreas.  His book is made up of little quotes and sayings that he has collected over the years.  He then creates pieces of art called “Storypeople” and those “people” are quoted as saying what he has written. It’s pretty fun and he often says what I have been thinking or what I think someone I know must be thinking.  The Grammys last night reminded me of this one:

“You keep making noises like that, she told him, & pretty soon people will stop talking to you & after awhile all the kids were over there trying to learn how to do it, too.”

Two things to ponder for this week, inspired by the Grammys:

1.  Where do you imitate someone else’s sound and does it work?

2.  When you can’t hear yourself speaking or singing, what do you do to improve the situation?