Kate'sVoice

I am often surprised by the lack of research in the area of voice as a barometer for the psyche, but we all know it is.  I got a voice mail from my daughter the other day.  All she said was, “Hi, Mom.  Call me,” but I knew something was wrong.  Fortunately, it was not a big problem, but how did I know there was a problem at all?  It wasn’t what she said; it was how she said it.  Politicians can deliver eloquent, powerful phrases in response to accusations, and we think we know they are lying, no matter what they actually say.

A study done in Geneva has shown that emotions can be “heard” in the voice.  An emotion is what happens when many interconnected processes of interpretation, bodily reaction and expression happen in response to a situation, either external or internal.  Emotion is physical.  Therefore, since the voice IS also physical, it is no wonder that we can “hear” emotions in the voice.  It happens through changes in the muscles, the breath and the brain which in turn affect the pitch, cadence, and inflection of the voice.  Coupled with the ability for the voice to show emotion is the ability for the ear to pick up minute differences in the sound the voice produces.  The ear can perceive 1400 different pitches and 280 different levels of volume for each pitch it can hear! So if you feel an emotion, you can be assured that no matter how hard you try to disguise it, someone will pick it up!

But what about intention?  Can we pick up intentions in a person’s voice or because of their relation to emotions, or is there something else going on?  Intention is what one has in mind to do or bring about, and I mean literally “in mind,” as was shown by two studies of intention.  In the first, it was revealed by New York researchers that infants as young as six months old can understand our intentions, and respond to them.  Another study used functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) to show that the mirror neuron system tracks not only the actions, but also the intentions, of others.  This mirror neuron system has been identified as being very important in guiding our social interactions, especially in survival and keeping us safe. Therefore, intention is a component of “trustworthiness” in social interaction and it is definitely picked up by others, which is why you need to be clear about your intention as a speaker.

Aligning your intention with others’

Public speaking often feels like a solo act.  Conversation can feel that way too!  In personal expression, you will almost always communicate the representation of your personal perspective.  You seek to persuade others, to inform others, or to entertain others.  However, if you truly need or want to communicate something, you need to consider the perspective of others. You can think of intention in public speaking as something akin to good marketing:  you need to know who you are, what you do and why anyone should care.  In an article called “The Power of the Ask,” Market Like a Chick blogger,  Coree Silvera, says “You build your solutions based on their needs and demonstrate how your unique product or service can help them achieve their goals.”  Likewise, when speaking with others, you do the same.  You are not looking for their intention to be the same as yours, but you must understand how their intention for being there intersects with or conflicts with yours.

Let’s look at some obvious examples.

• A political comedian may be hysterically funny to the Democrats and offensive to the Republicans, or vice versa.
• No matter how persuasive, a pharmaceutical rep may have a hard time convincing a convention of naturopaths that his product is viable.
• The most eloquent teacher in the world will not necessarily persuade a group of restless teenagers to sit and listen to him for hours.
• If you know that you have a solution to sell and they need your solution, that doesn’t mean that their intention is to buy from you.

Speech coach, Lisa Braithwaite has a recent article on her blog, Speak Schmeak, which addresses intentions in a broader picture.  She stresses that your words have to align with your actions, and in her examples, the actions have intentionalitiy behind them.  Though not in these words, she asks you to consider this:  what is the intention behind your actions?

It is safe to say that there are those who have persuaded others to listen when it was against the odds.  One fine example is that of a ten-year-old boy, Dalton Sherman, who has captured the hearts of over 500,000 viewers on YouTube.  Dalton is a passionate speaker who makes us believe in him because he obviously believes in himself.  Dalton’s voice is strong.  His words are strong, and he intends that we move together to make a strong difference in education.

Discovering Intention

How can you be more like Dalton?  How can you better align your intention with your voice and your content?  The first step is often to get very honest with yourself and to take inventory of what’s going on in your mind and the minds of your listeners.  Make it a part of what you do in preparation for a talk or a conversation.  And consider that circumstances may interfere with your intention.  A sound system fails, a heckler interrupts your talk, an unexpected emotional response affects you deeply, and changes your mind.  Still, an awareness of intention in yourself and others is key to more clear communication.  Here are some ways to discover yours and use it well.

• Ask yourself why you are there?  Are you there to convince the audience to do something?  Are you there to entertain?  Are you speaking to educate? Are you giving something away in order to get them to buy something else? Are you speaking on behalf of a cause? Are you using this as an opportunity to do something you weren’t actually asked to do? Did you agree to have lunch with someone because you would then be able to corner them with a topic they are not expecting? Are you apologizing? Are you wanting them to hear a grievance? There are many possibilities.  Write them down and be aware of them as you craft your speech or conversation.
• It may be more difficult to clarify intention when you are asked to speak on the spur of the moment.  In that situation, take a moment to consider the audience and who and why they are there.  Your intention is the intersection of why YOU are there, what you have been asked to do, and why the audience should care.
• Create a personal statement of intention for each project or product you need to represent.  Let that statement shape your intention in your communication with others.
• Research the purpose of the organizations and businesses for whom you speak.  Find ways in which their purpose and your intention intersect and use that as a filter in your communication with them.
• You have a unique perspective and personality to bring to whatever you do.  You have a voice that is unlike any other, both a physical one and a “voice” as an authentic presence in the world.  Your intention is always to bring that voice to the table so you can be heard.  And even though Dalton impresses us because he isn’t like most ten-year-olds, just like Dalton, you can bring your unique self to us and do so with confidence and clarity if you honestly believe in who you are what you have to say.

The other day, I was speaking with  a woman who has chronic laryngitis.  Her voice is very low and husky, and she gets lots of comments on “that sexy voice.”  To me, it sounds tired and unhealthy, but I know people who want that sound because they DO think it’s sexy.  So the questions I want to answer today are

• What is a sexy voice, and
• How do you create it? (and is there time before Valentine’s Day???)

What makes a voice sound sexy?

A now-famous study by Gordon Gallup and others at the University of Albany showed that both men and women with attractive voices also had more attractive bodies, and a larger sex life.  The researchers were able to show that women felt that low voices were more attractive in men, but they were unable to conclude what makes a woman’s voice sound more attractive to men.  In a later study, however, Dr. Gallup found that women’s voices are most attractive to both men and other women when they are at the peak of fertility, which in fact, causes their pitch to rise rather than drop. This is caused by the presence of more estrogen, just as a lower voice in men is associated with a higher level of testosterone.  This makes sense.  First and foremost, even in this modern world, we are attracted to people for procreation, and the voice seems to be an indicator of the right chemistry!

Perhaps the reason we think a low voice sounds sexy is because we are intuitively aware that a low voice means power.  This is true in the most primal way, of course, but again, we cannot deny our primal roots!  As women have sought to compete more and more with men in the workplace, they have lowered their voices.  Anne Karpf discusses this trend in her book, The Human Voice: How This Extraordinary Instrument Reveals Essential Clues About Who We Are.   It seems that the average pitch of women’s voices is no longer an octave higher than a man’s, but just 2/3 of an octave.  The problem with this trend is that it is hazardous to the voice.  Speaking too low can cause nodules, or calluses on the vocal folds, chronic laryngitis, and reduce the flexibility of the vocal mechanism.

So, I want to stop all this nonsense about a low voice being sexy and about power being demonstrated by a low voice and get to the heart of it.  A sexy voice is grounded, just like a sexy person is confident.  A sexy voice has vibrant resonance, just as a sexy person is vibrant.  And a sexy voice is flexible, reflecting a sensitive, emotional person.  If you have those three things, your sexy voice will be healthy and it will reflect your emotions and desires.

How to create a sexy voice

1. Make your breathing low and expansive.  Just like good sex, good breathing is low and deep (now you will never forget that about proper breathing!)
2. Create a resonance that is powerful by using mask resonance.  To do this, humming is a great tool, and music is the food of love, of course.  (Research shows that music stimulates the brain in the same place as food and sex, by the way, so you know why I always recommend humming!!)
3. Create variety in your sound by letting your voice show your emotions.  An emotional connection with your voice allows others to feel closer to you too…hint, hint

You are just about to make your point, bringing your dynamic and well-prepared speech to its exciting climax, when you open your mouth to speak and hear a horrible croak instead of your usual voice.  Frustrated, you clear your throat, and try again, but you sound like you are speaking underwater this time!  Again you clear your throat, loudly and aggressively.  Now, your voice is more clear, but you can still feel the crud rolling around in there, and sure enough, a few words later, there it is again.  Croak!  Someone from the audience rushes up with a glass of water. You guzzle it down in relief,  but you know the moment has passed.  The audience is now feeling a bit sorry for you…not what you had intended at all!

Well, it happens.  In other articles, we have talked about how to keep your voice healthy, how to deal with laryngitis and acid reflux, but there are minor issues that come up that cause problems that are NOT long-lasting.  Here are 3 things you can do , on the spot, to get rid of a frog in the throat, and also to deal with a couple of other vocal horrors: the “tickle,” and “the tremor.”

1. If your voice croaks like a frog:  Immediately, stop, lift up your hand to tell your audience “just a minute”, turn away from the mic, and create a little compression in your throat (like the beginning of clearing your throat, but without all the noise.) It’s a little graveley sound you want to create, and you can do this very quietly two or three times.  If it doesn’t clear up, stop, let the audience know you need a minute, and drink several large sips of water.  Wait another few seconds, use that little compression sound to clear your cords, and speak.  If you still get some croaking, drink some more water.  In fact, over the next few minutes drink the entire glass by sipping between ideas. Water thins out the mucous and creates a nice lubrication usually eliminating the globs that are causing the problem.
2. If your voice shakes : Sometimes your voice is unsteady because of nerves.  If you suspect this is the case for you, stop,  and take a breath.  Calm yourself down with low, expansive breathing.  Then speak again.  For some, starting each talk with a resounding, confident “Hello!” may be the cure for a shaky voice.  It gets the air moving, which is what you really need.  For more tips on handling nervousness, please read this post by Sandra Zimmer on Six Minutes.
3. If you get a tickle: Your first  response is probably to take a sip of water, which may work just fine.  But the tickle is in the larynx, usually, not the esophagus, so if the tickle doesn’t go away, a slight cough can help to clear the larynx of phlegm.  A tickle may also be caused by dry air on the vocal folds.  In this case, breathing in through the nose will help warm and moisten the air; take a low breath, letting the abdominal muscles expand and your throat relax.  Then be sure to actively use the air in the sound when you speak.

While there are potentially many aspects of a presentation that can take away from your presentation if not addressed (please read Joan Curtis’ Blog post on Communication Culprits), there is no doubt that a voice malfunction can make you feel embarrassed and uncomfortable.  Don’t let it.  Learn these tricks for dealing with it physically because sooner or later, you will need this information.  But when it happens,  know that it’s just part of the deal.  Your voice is your greatest asset as a speaker or singer, but it is part of your body and it has its good days and its bad days, just like your hair.

What other vocal issues come up for you as a speaker? Write a comment about it and let’s see what we can do to solve it or give you a quick remedy.  And if you stump me, I’ll do the research and get back to you.  I look forward to hearing from you!

Update:  Great recent post on another problem for speakers: stuttering.  Please read  Eloquent Woman

You can tell she is lying by the sound of her voice!!! lol

There it was.  A sound in his voice that indicated to the experts on Cal Lightman’s team that the suspect was lying.  It was a change in his sound at the end of the sentence.  Dr. Gillian Foster could tell easily that the man was smiling, even though she couldn’t see him.  She described his voice thinning out and getting a little higher.  In this case, this led her to conclude that the man was lying.

Now, let me ask you this.  Did YOU hear the change in his voice?  I did.  In fact, I’d be surprised if you didn’t.  We can “hear” facial expressions and attitudes reflected in a person’s voice.  That’s because of physiological changes in the way we make sounds based on how we feel.

However, we can also “hear” a person’s intentions.  The voice is incredibly revealing.  This is why it’s so important to prepare for a speech or a presentation, to identify your intentions or purpose and keep them in mind.  Actors and performers are well aware of this.  Method acting was born of this phenomena.  But even dancers know about it.  In an article in Dance Magazine, I read this:

“I dance better when I have a reason to do the steps,” says Kimberly Cowen of Kansas City Ballet.

Good communication requires clarity;  clarity requires clear intention.  Too often we go into a presentation or a discussion without a clear intention for our communication.  We are then surprised that our message comes across confusing and ineffective.  A recent series on one person’s blog discusses the effect of intention and tone of voice in parenting.  In fact,  this topic is so important to Amblin that she is dedicated to discussing it through January of 2010!

Unclear intentions result in unclear communication. Conversely,  you don’t have to be a Cal Lightman to hear where a speaker is coming from.  It’s written all over their voice!

P.S. You can replay that episode of Lie to Me on the Fox website and check it out for yourself.  By the way, I think the web site is pretty cool.  Play the video that shows you tips and techniques for uncovering lies.  Not only is it fun, but I think it’s very helpful for speakers and performers.

I have been traveling a fair amount lately.  Today, I began working on this post and had to connect to the Internet.  As I browsed the Sheraton site, I noticed a link on the home page that encouraged you to share your story.  When you click on the link it takes you to “Good Stories,” a site with stories on Sheraton travel from around the world. Kind of cool!  It’s interactive and you get to explore the world through stories.

Storytelling is a form of communication that is common to everyone’s experience, and is becoming increasingly important as we face the large amounts of data and  information that are now available to us, such as where to stay and what to see when traveling.  Statistics on the recession are made more understandable when we hear stories of people losing their homes, or getting jobs in some innovative way.   And presentations are more interesting when the presenter is a storyteller.

In business,  creating a story out of raw information can help you see the problem better in order to understand the solution better. By collecting information to create stories, you can assure yourself that you can answer the key issues that need to be addressed to qualify your lead, to solicit a donation,  to make your point or to find the best solution.

My first introduction to the importance of storytelling in business was the book, The SpringBoard Story by Stephen Denning.  I love this book and highly recommend it to anyone who wants to be inspired about the importance of a great story.

And since reading that,  I have explored this with many people, and watched as storytelling has become more and more important.  Again, storytelling makes sense out of a complex world.  However, it’s not all that easy to create a great story, and many people call something a story when it is not a story.

To paraphrase the words of Clarissa Pinkola Estes, stories are a conduit. They connect us to each other because your story reminds me of my own. In the simplest terms,

• A story has to have a beginning, a middle and an end.
• In addition, it needs to have emotional content, a feeling that we can relate to, even if it is a story about business.
• It needs to have an obstacle to be overcome.

If you want to learn more about storytelling, here are three places you might look.

• An article in Fast Company on a fabulous storytelling program to boost volunteerism in the schools.
• A blog about Applied Storytelling called “A Storied Career,” in this case a post about tweets on storytelling.
• And finally, a remarkable story to inspire us all:

As I’ve said before, your voice is a powerful tool. Using it with awareness and skill is essential to your credibility and persuasiveness as a speaker. The sound of your voice—your “vocal image”—can imply such things as friendliness or hostility, tolerance or prejudice, and weakness or strength. Many people fail in their communication simply because their vocal image does not align with their message.

Practical Application:  If you want to discover the nature of your vocal image, make a recording of yourself. Record yourself talking naturally in a normal conversation. If possible, also record yourself giving a short presentation.  Listen to the recording and consider the following three components of your vocal image.

Pitch:

Pitch is not determined by your volume, but rather by the notes you use when you speak.  Yes, we use notes when speaking just as we do when singing.  If you use a lot of variety in the pitch of your voice, people are likely to perceive you as friendly.  A variety of pitch also suggests flexibility and openness to others’ ideas. A voice with less pitch variance comes across as more demanding and authoritative.  Listen to your recording and determine if you have a varied pitch. Does it align with your intended message? Experiment with increasing and decreasing your pitch until it aligns with your message.

By the way, don’t take my word for it!  As a speaker, you can really benefit by reading Six Minutes, and the post on Vocal Variety, where Pitch is a big component of success for Toastmasters!!

Speed or Pace:

Listen to your recording and think about the speed of your delivery. If you speak quickly, you may be seen as assertive.  If you speak too quickly, you may seem nervous.  On the other hand, a slow delivery can be perceived as boring.  If you find that you speak too fast, force yourself to slow down and breathe more often.  If you speak too slowly, try to walk with purpose and energy while practicing your speech. A technique that many experienced speakers use is to accent their normal speed with slow speech. In doing this, the words which are spoken slowly are emphasized.  Consider how your speed of delivery aligns with the message you want to deliver.

Cadence:

Cadence is the way that you end your sentences.  Generally, a “feminine cadence” goes up in pitch at the end of a sentence. When pitch goes down at the end of a sentence, it’s a “masculine cadence.”  A feminine cadence invites a response and seems open to others’ ideas.  A masculine cadence makes a demand or a point and may sound less open to others’ ideas.  Effective speakers use both appropriately.  If people often interrupt you, you may want to add a more masculine cadence to your speech.  Similarly, if others seldom contribute to your discussions, you may be overusing the masculine cadence. Try introducing a female cadence when you would like input from others.

By the way, I really enjoy reading “The Eloquent Woman,” a blog for women on public speaking.  The author, Denise Graveline, often discusses gender differences in communication from a speaker’s perspective.  Check it out!

Record and study the natural qualities of your vocal image. Consider your pitch, speed, and cadence. Don’t forget to ask others to give you feedback so you can learn how your voice affects them. Once you become aware of your vocal image, you can begin to better align it with your message and become a more credible and persuasive speaker.

When I lose my voice, I try to remember this. “Your voice is not lost, it is just a little more quiet so that you can hear yourself think, hear the wisdom of God, and be inspired by others’ ideas. Use laryngitis wisely!”

To find your voice today,
1. Drink plenty of warm liquids… that soothe your soul.
2. Write notes instead of talking…particularly if they are consoling to the discouraged, and uplifting to all. If you have nothing positive to say, say nothing. Just listen.
3. Rest your voice.  Don’t fight it and try to speak anyway!!! If all goes as planned, you will need your voice  to be healthy and strong so you can express all the amazing things that are trickling up through the silence.

And what does that song say about what is important to you?  That’s the question we ask when we are working with groups in our community based theater program, Team Cabaret.   It has turned out to be a great question.  You see we believe that we choose songs because they speak to us about who we are.  It’s amazing how you can be singing a song half-mindedly and suddenly realize you are singing words that describe exactly what you are feeling or what has you worried!!  The other day, I was feeling bit overwhelmed and noticed I was humming “Crazy.”  Hmmmm.

So imagine the fun I had looking at a post on Yahoo Answers where the asker asked, “What are lyrics that mean a lot to you?”     All the answers were lyrics that the answerers related to their own lives.  And on www.fanpop.com,  the question was asked, “Do song lyrics mean a lot to you?” and 89% of the readers voted, “Yes, of cource (sic)!”

For some of you, this is a no-brainer.  But it’s also something I love to fool around with.  When someone tells you that they have a favorite song, find out what it is and ask them what part stands out for them.  You’ll get some insight into that person!  Meanwhile, what is your favorite song to sing in the shower?  (For some help with this one, check out “Singing in the Shower,” on Facebook.)

I used to be quite shy.  I was nervous about going out to parties because I would have to start a conversation with other people.  I would have to think of some small talk and it would have to be interesting and clever.  I mean, people would want to know about me.  So I didn’t go to many parties unless they were people I knew well, and if I did have to go to a gathering of people with whom I was less familiar, I hid out in the corner or with someone who looked friendly and try to answer their questions as best I could.  That was in college.  Once out of college I quickly learned that things needed to change or I would be very lonely and not very good at getting a business started!

One night,  I was hanging out in the corner having a conversatin with a very nice man who asked me why I was so quiet in person when I was so outgoing on stage. I told him I was shy and he said that was bullshit.  I said, “No, really.  I can’t seem to think of clever things to say when I meet new people.  I don’t have any small talk skills, don’t know any great conversation starters,  and I don’t know what to tell them about myself.”  At this, he started laughing hysterically.  I have to admit I was a little offended and even thought that he was being very cruel to such a shy person as myself, but he kept on laughing and telling everyone around us how shy I was, which amused them all as well.  This went on for what seemed like an eternity and I was just about to take my leave, when he told me an amazing truth that I had never realized before.  His statement completely bowled me over and from that day forward, my shyness ceased.

This is what he told me:
“No one cares about you.  They want to talk about themselves.”

Now, I have to admit that as a performer it’s hard to believe that people don’t want me to go on and on about my wonderful self, but I have found that my mentor was correct. The funny thing to realize is that it didn’t even occur to me to talk about the other person, which is how I knew he was right!  Since that time, I have gotten better and better about conversations with those I don’t know and have made some great friends along the way, and learned a lot.  I’ve also attended some wonderful parties that I would never have ventured out to before that time. So now, I want to share what I’ve learned about small talk, conversations with others, conversation starters, and excellent conversation questions and and here are three things to remember:

1. Start a conversation with a friendly greeting, a comment on the weather, an observation on traffic, or even an off the wall remark about the food at the party, but start a conversation.  There are no excellent conversation questions.  Conversing just takes practice.
2. Ask questions about the other person, but don’t grill them like an FBI agent.  People with the best small talk skills try to find something interesting about others that they can focus on a bit so the conversation is more in-depth and interesting.  Be genuinely curious but not obnoxious. And stay away from conversation questions that only require yes or no answers.
3. Find places where their story reminds you of your own and explore that together, but resist the urge to get caught up in your own remarkable story!!  Remember, when you have to do the talking, the pressure’s on to be clever and articulate.  When the other person is in the hot seat, you can relax!

When we arrived in France, we rented a car and made sure that it had a navigation system in it.  It was an adventure, and we eventually called the female voice of our navigation system “our consort.”  We became quite close and trusted her implicitly as she knew all the streets, even the little back alleys,  and rarely steered us wrong.

Nonetheless, about halfway through the trip,  I realized that her public speaking style was starting to wear on me.  She had a very cultivated public speaking voice and I was yearning for something a bit more down to earth, casual or even just plain American!  We only had one choice in English, and it was a disturbingly articulate and precise female.  Her public speaking skills were obvious, and it was clear that she had taken classes on the art of public speaking that included diction, tone and pacing.

She was polite and tolerant of most of our little wrong turns or slow moves. However, she fell down on the job when either she or we made a big mistake.  Then suddenly, she threw all of her public speaking and self-confidence training right out the window; she completely forgot about  the art of public speaking and, when we needed her most, she became silent.

For example, neither her public speaking skills nor her conviction to the art of public speaking were evident when we turned, as directed, “half left” and found ourselves on steps leading to the street below.  Seeing no way to back to retrace our steps (no pun intended) we forged on ahead and bumped one step at a time down the “street.”  Her silence seemed to indicate that she was upset with us, but , I wonder if instead she had missed the lesson on  public speaking tips for nervouness.  I know I could have used some help with my nerves at that time!

And on another occasion, perhaps all of her tips on public speaking were forgotten completely when we did NOT follow her directions and instead turned onto a tiny alley way that got more and more narrow as we followed it.  For me, at that time, the importance of public speaking was huge!  We really needed someone to speak up!  Particularly someone who knew how to get us out of that mess.  However, our consort was strangely silent until we reached the end where there was a blessed exit onto another street.

Ultimately, I came away with three tips on public speaking based on the experience with our “consort.” I will share them with you now, and if you ever hear a lovely, British-accented female voice on a navigation system in your rental car in the South of France, please say hello for me.

1.  When you know you’ve lost your audience, think of something to say to get them back on the right track with you. Don’t leave them hanging!

2.  There is no need for public speaking anxiety when you have something to say that others need to hear.

3.  If you make a mistake, correct yourself and move on.  No one is perfect.