Kate's Voice

The other day, I was speaking with  a woman who has chronic laryngitis.  Her voice is very low and husky, and she gets lots of comments on “that sexy voice.”  To me, it sounds tired and unhealthy, but I know people who want that sound because they DO think it’s sexy.  So the questions I want to answer today are

• What is a sexy voice, and
• How do you create it? (and is there time before Valentine’s Day???)

What makes a voice sound sexy?

A now-famous study by Gordon Gallup and others at the University of Albany showed that both men and women with attractive voices also had more attractive bodies, and a larger sex life.  The researchers were able to show that women felt that low voices were more attractive in men, but they were unable to conclude what makes a woman’s voice sound more attractive to men.  In a later study, however,Dr. Gallup found that women’s voices are most attractive to both men and other women when they are at the peak of fertility, which in fact, causes their pitch to rise rather than drop. This is caused by the presence of more estrogen, just as a lower voice in men is associated with a higher level of testosterone.  This makes sense.  First and foremost, even in this modern world, we are attracted to people for procreation, and the voice seems to be an indicator of the right chemistry!

Perhaps the reason we think a low voice sounds sexy is because we are intuitively aware that a low voice means power.  This is true in the most primal way, of course, but again, we cannot deny our primal roots!  As women have sought to compete more and more with men in the workplace, they have lowered their voices.  Anne Karpf discusses this trend in her book, The Human Voice: How This Extraordinary Instrument Reveals Essential Clues About Who We Are.   It seems that the average pitch of women’s voices is no longer an octave higher than a man’s, but just 2/3 of an octave.  The problem with this trend is that it is hazardous to the voice.  Speaking too low can cause nodules, or calluses on the vocal folds, chronic laryngitis, and reduce the flexibility of the vocal mechanism.

So, I want to stop all this nonsense about a low voice being sexy and about power being demonstrated by a low voice and get to the heart of it.  A sexy voice is grounded, just like a sexy person is confident.  A sexy voice has vibrant resonance, just as a sexy person is vibrant.  And a sexy voice is flexible, reflecting a sensitive, emotional person.  If you have those three things, your sexy voice will be healthy and it will reflect your emotions and desires.

How to create a sexy voice

1. Make your breathing low and expansive.  Just like good sex, good breathing is low and deep (now you will never forget that about proper breathing!)
2. Create a resonance that is powerful by using mask resonance.  To do this, humming is a great tool, and music is the food of love, of course.  (Research shows that music stimulates the brain in the same place as food and sex, by the way, so you know why I always recommend humming!!)
3. Create variety in your sound by letting your voice show your emotions.  An emotional connection with your voice allows others to feel closer to you too…hint, hint

Two of the most important components of great communication are how you start and how you finish.  This is as true for a phone conversation or a WebEx as it is for public speaking.  In the first few minutes, your audience or conversation partners are making judgments about how and who you are and they will not hear what you have to say until they get that straight in their minds! As for the finish, often people finish with a dangling, “so…” or a hurried “go to my website,” and the effect is to leave the audience without a clear direction to continue or respond to the conversation.

Thus, I always tell my clients to create an opening and a close.  Period. Even if you are put on the spot to speak extemporaneously or are expressing your opinion in “a conversation that matters, “ delivering a real opening and closing help to ensure that your intention is in alignment with your content and both with your delivery.

I’ve created an acronym for each to help my clients create strong openings and closings. It will help you do the same. Practice this approach the next time you prepare an important communication.

Opening:
Here’s a way to think about an opening for a talk.  Make it NICE by including the following elements:

Name: Let them know who you are both with your name and with a personal reference such as a story or observation.
Intention: The purpose of your talk and perhaps what will be covered, or what you hope to accomplish
Call to adventure or discovery:  What you expect of them and something enticing or mysterious that they can expect to experience in your talk. (This is a term  I like that is used by Nancy Duarte in the book Resonate)
Engagement: A story or joke or interactive activity, or an unexpected provocative statement or challenge. Get them involved.

Closing: Bring it to a real finish by creating a close that has RICH elements.  Above all,  resist the urge to make “so” your final word!

Restate or summarize: Review what was presented or discussed
Inspire:  Ignite a desire to continue the conversation (motivational quote, personal statement, thought provoking idea)
Call to action: give them something to do next.
Help them on their way: Say goodbye, or simply move them along to the next activity by asking for questions, etc. If you host a Q&A, afterwards, reiterate the call to action an say goodbye.

Related posts:

How to start an important conversation

How to create a voice with executive presence