Kate's Voice

I asked Denise Graveline, author of the fine blog, “The Eloquent Woman,” to tackle the topic of “finding your voice” as a woman speaker.  Her thoughtful consideration of the topic gives us an appreciation for women’s unique talents and fears related to presenting.  Her advice is this: to find your voice, you must start with who you are and use your feminine advantage.  Here’s how.

Writers are urged early on to start “finding your voice” – I know, I started out as a writer–but I’m not sure that speakers are.  That, for most of us, makes an out-loud voice seem like thin ice on which to wander.  Find your voice? In a room full of hundreds of people looking at you, expecting wisdom?

That ice can seem even thinner if you’re a woman, since women have been actively discouraged or outright forbidden to speak in public for so much of our history.  Writing, traditionally, was an easier way for women to give themselves voices.  You can always write undercover and under a pen name, as Jane Austen did, but it’s tough to speak publicly that way.  Add in women’s stronger preference for speaking one-on-one, rather than reporting to crowds (wouldn’t you if you were forbidden to speak in public?), and it’s a no-brainer.  So, even today, we talk ourselves out of it.

Another dimension to finding your voice as a speaker sets it apart from writing.  It’s not just your words out there. It’s you:  Your looks, your wardrobe, your gestures, your movements, your interactions with the audience.  You are physically putting yourself on the line. That voice you’re finding comes out of you and into the air, in front of people, and they react (or don’t), clap (or don’t), laugh (or don’t) in real time.  No book author gets that from readers when she’s writing.

By now you can tell that I’m thinking broadly about what your “voice ” is.  It’s you, but also how you express yourself, and in speaking that involves more than your vocal chords or your words.  We say people “give voice” to their thoughts when they speak.  So for you as a speaker, the exercise is about finding your voice—and then giving it to your ideas.  Here’s how you might try to do that:
•   Start with what you know. This will seem like a limited field of dreams, especially if you are young.  But the only way to find out how you tell a story is to tell stories, your stories:  the funny thing that happened at work, the coincidental meeting that led to a first date, how you got the idea to move to Houston.  This will lead you to…
•   Pay attention, observe and listen. What were the details of what happened today: Who wore the red shoes? Who was snarky because she felt insecure? What’s a secret you heard and why is it a secret?  Details like these not only help you create a mood, persuade or advance a story, but also will set your speaking apart from others’ efforts.
•     Use the vertical pronoun. I had a great boss and mentor who discouraged me from ever writing or speaking the word “I.”  Today, I say that if you are going to find your voice, the vertical pronoun—his term for “I”—is the most useful, powerful and appropriate pronoun for you to use.  No one can speak for you but you, so no one can deny you those statements.  Plus, I can better tell who you are if you have an opinion.
•    Don’t throw away women’s vocal advantages. Honed by all those one-on-one connections, women excel at using emotion and connecting with their audiences.  But too many women feel they need a sterner, masculine tone.  Keep in mind that the most successful speakers among U.S. presidents, all men of course, were those who adopted that more emotive, personal style:  Reagan, Clinton and Obama.  Take back your innate strengths as a speaker, which will lead you to…
•   Pay attention to the stories you find it too difficult to tell right now. At one of the greatest times of personal challenge in my life, I stopped keeping a journal—the situation was too awful to contemplate. Those big life-changers may be too much for you to tackle today. But later, I promise, if you can bring yourself to share them in a speech, you’ll have the most compelling content and a riveting voice.
•    Use three dimensions to make your voice sing. I get a much better sense of a speaker’s voice when she takes the time to think about her presentation in three dimensions, including how she dresses, moves through the audience, gestures, pauses, and listens actively to questioners without getting defensive.  Remember, I’m watching as well as listening.  Make those factors reinforce your voice.
•   Help give voice to others. One of the most effective speakers I’ve coached had a tough situation:  Facing important members of his organization, each with competing goals, in the first week of his presidency—before he’d have time to address anything substantively. We decided his speech would ask all the tough questions he could anticipate that they would ask—not with answers, but to acknowledge that he understood their concerns. It got a standing O and reminded me all audiences hope speakers will say what they’re thinking and hoping.

Denise Graveline is a writer and communicator whose Washington, DC-based consulting firm, Don’t Get Caught, helps organizations with strategic communications plans; coaching, training, workshops and facilitation; and editorial and creative services. A former journalist and communications director for several major nonprofits and a federal agency, she is the 2002 Washington Women in Public Relations “PR Woman of the Year” and a former member of the White House Council on Women.

Investing in Your Vocal Image: A Tale of Two Strategies

Recently, a female executive, we’ll call her Joann, came to me, complaining that too often at the end of a long day she left the office with a hoarse voice and a feeling of utter exhaustion. All she wanted to do was to go home, curl up with a good book and tune everyone nearby out.

Joann admitted that things at work were more stressful than usual. While she was intensely focused on trying to secure additional funding for her growing company, her voice giving out at the end of the day was a new and troublesome problem.

Strategy 1: Getting back in shape

We spent some time getting her voice back in shape by raising her pitch to a more natural level and developing some resonance so that she didn’t need to work so hard at being heard. She was surprised at how easy it was to lift the strain from her voice, even though it took a bit of time to become comfortable speaking in this new way, especially on the phone.

Now, let me say Joann is gregarious by nature. She loves to spin a good story and she always has plenty of color and detail to make any subject she talks about come to life. She is also clear, compelling and strong. She uses humor well and can really draw people into a conversation: All ingredients of a great public speaker. (For more information on presentations skills for executives , please read this recent post from Kathy Reiffenstein on  Professionally Speaking.) I suspected, however, that her vocal choices might be getting in the way of her efforts to raise money for her company.

Strategy 2:  Presenting a deal-maker voice

Taking a chance, I asked whether she was having success with her funding efforts, particularly with her presentations. Joann confessed that although she was not scaring potential investors off, she wasn’t closing any deals either. I asked her if she would make her presentation to me. Just as I presumed, her content was clear and compelling, but her vocal image, specifically the cadence of her voice, was not aligned with her message or intent.

One of the things that makes Joanne sound so friendly is a habitual upward pitch, or open cadence, at the end of her sentences that invites people into the conversation. The problem is she uses this cadence even when she is making a declaration. The upward cadence causes her to seem indecisive and, even worse, wishy-washy. Not exactly the impression you want to give a potential investor. *

She was game to try a different approach since she was determined to get support for her company.  We worked on her cadence and other aspects of her vocal image. Within a short time she began to see a difference. She landed the investments she needed, and she started to go home feeling fulfilled rather than exhausted.

Summary

Today, people see Joanne as both authoritative and open. She makes conscious vocal choices to close a deal or make a friend—two situations which require two different vocal strategies.

P.S. I feel great to have been able to help Joanne learn to manage her vocal image in support of her social life as well as her work. I love my job!

*The Harvard Law School Program on Negotiation posts a daily blog that will be of  great interest to executives, and includes information on communication styles and gender differences in the workplace and as individuals,  as well as conflict resolution.  Its authors are some of the foremost authorities on negotiating today.